well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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