Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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