I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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