my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You dont lie about slip and slides
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
