The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
