I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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