turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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