Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize