he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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