we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
