The best revenge is premature balding
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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