no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
