Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
