I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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