Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
