Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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