I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
