just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
