my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
