my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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