Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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