Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
