You made me cry and you don't even care
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
