and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
