you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
