I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
