So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
