His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
