I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
