brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
