sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
