I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
