I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
