I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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