You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
