If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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