oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
