alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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