i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hippo gnu deer
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am one with the molecules
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
