Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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