i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
