she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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