Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can Purell be used as lube?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Randomize
