The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
