she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
