You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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