I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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