Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
