We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize