Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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