Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
