now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
