Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
