Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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