Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
