Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
