There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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