where am i from again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
