I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
