Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
