winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
