it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
