The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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