I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
