I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
