You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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