I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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